I openly run a small poly house but it’s easy when you’re the man and head of household. This position gives a man status and doesn’t affect my security clearance. Occasionally I get the stink eye, but what parts I down play, whatever questions or questioning stares I ignore; I ignore on the girls behalf.
I feel into my first poly relationship. Long story short these girls had a long term relationship where one girl was the primary breadwinner and the other a stay at home “wife”. They were looking for a man to fill in the gap, fiscally, emotionally and physically of their relationship. They were the primary relationship. It was an enjoyable experience and ended when one girl moved for a promotion.
Men question how I do it, saying one woman is enough. These men view of women as their equal and their co partner. One would be enough. Been there, done that, never again. I value the girls’ opinions on certain topics but I lead they follow. Or go find a new man. Only a fool ignores the good advice of others. My majordomo is a fount of Old School, Old World lady wisdom. My daughter knows more about nutrition then I ever will. Girl#1 is a nurse practioner and knows things that I do not. Black Beauty has a master’s degree in online marketing and something or another, is a successful business woman and an amazing homemaker. I listen to them but they do not shape my opinions outside their narrow field of expertise. This does create some issues as Girl#2 thinks her master’s degree in public relations has value and Girl #3, who hasn’t read a book more complex then 50 Shades of grey, thinks she is as smart as the other girls.
I am not successful by my efforts alone. The majordomo handles most routine domestic issues, removing and reducing stress wherever possible. She is 74, so I hire out some help and we all pitch in here and there, but by and large she does all the domestic chores and manages the household in the way that I direct. The house is clean; diner is ready to go into the oven etc whenever Girl#1 and I get home. After diner we chat and then the majordomo cleans up. Sometimes we help, but most of the time we go sit in my chair and play with the Hell Hounds. Girl#1 is another key factor. She wants to be in a poly home to share fiscal resources and domestic chores. My beloved sucks ass on the domestic front. We both view three adults sharing the day to day duties normally divided among two adults as the major advantage with sexual variety being somewhat lower on the list. My leadership allows her to feel secure, free and at peace. I don’t see how a poly home would run smoothly without the domestic discipline/ BDSM aspects of our relationship. This sets up a linear chain of command, provides an outlet to correct poor behavior and a boat load of tools to deliver the drama women crave thereby eliminating most shit tests before they occur.
All the girls are significantly younger than me and like Girl#1 feel secure, free and at peace etc. All three have thrived since starting a relationship with me though the transition between free agent and well behaved little girl was not always smooth. Paying off debt, eating better, working out more, less bullshit drama at work and with their family. This is pretty common. In times past, families have been fairly resistant to their younger daughter dating a significantly older man. Most have gotten over that as they see the girl’s life gain order and improve. Not all. Most.
Being in a poly home involves four core game concepts; dread, pre-selection, and demonstrating higher value (DHV) are the most obvious but added to the more direct aspects of DHV etc is frame control. Each girl sees how I interact/ lead and improve the other girls’ life. These are overt displays without anything being said in a direct manner. This sets up a semi-competition for my affections which I ensure doesn’t get out of hand. Some days are shit test after fucking shit test but those days are rare and a sign that I am not delivering enough drama and leadership. I start our days together with me in my chair, and the girls sitting on the floor with the dogs. When it’s just the two of us, Girl#1 ends up in my lap in no time. I send them to stand or kneel in a corner when they act up or bicker among themselves. The importance of maintaining a strong masculine, leadership/ headship frame cannot be over stated.
The girls deserve my best as I have asked them, and they have agreed to live beyond the mainstream American life. The overwhelming majority of the time, we are a happy family and domestic tranquility reigns. I love having my house full, watching the majordomo teach one girl how to cook, while I play video games with another and the third is sitting nearby, curled up with one of the Hell Hounds reading a book. It’s also a huge ego stroke walking around town with three younger girls hanging on me. It’s amusing when the try to “conspire” against me, especially when they try to enlist the help of my majordomo. She has known me for about as long as I have been alive, was more of a mother to me then my own mother and elected to come live with me over her biological children when her beloved husband passed on. Her loyalty is better than money in the bank.
I ensure each girl gets equal time in practically all manners. On the rare occasion we are all together at the same time or we go out as a family, I give them options; take in suggestions, but there is a rotation of who gets to decide where the family will go for drinks or the like. When I have a strong preference for something, such as movies, there is no option. When I give them options, they are options I can live with. Girls are reward openly and punished in private, for the most part. Girl#1 lives with me full time and gets the majority of my attention. When it’s the weekend, our time is more focused on the other girls. While deployed I write them a very generic email every two days or so then whatever private email traffic comes up between us is what it is and remains private. I guard their privacy so they feel free to bring up various complaints with me. I determine if the issue should be addressed and how it will address. Most of what comes up is minor and doesn’t merit discussion. The girls do not have the right to address anything between themselves. I never discus my displeasure with any other girl but the one I am unhappy with; I never tell who was unhappy about what. I praise the girls in public as often as I can.
Some things are only shared with one girl because our hobbies align. Girl#1 is a fitness fanatic so we train at the same time. Girl#2 likes to cook so we cook together. Girl#3 came with her own motorcycle and likes to shoot, and Girl#1 bought her own bike so when we ride as a family, those girls are on their bikes, Girl#2 rides with me. Girl #3 hates to ride bitch, and Girl#1 gets a lot of time on my bike as we live together full time. Girl#1 is the only one who gets much in the way of alone time with me. What Girl#1 and I do as a couple is strictly between us and never mentioned. This will come to an end if Girl#2 moves in with us. Alone time gets the girls to a wondering and thinking and that’s never good. We are a family 1st and foremost. Everyone’s priority is the family and keeping the family peace. I don’t give any one girl the chance to get jealous, though they do. Each one is my favorite for one reason or another and free to tell me when they feel jealous. I deal with this mostly with a quick explanation and lots of affection.
No one girl ranks higher than any other girl. There is no alpha sub or any such nonsense. My executive officer is my majordomo. She exists in a separate sphere. The number one rule for us is family 1st. It is us vs the world at all times. Do not strive to make any one girl happy, do not take sides, keep the peace and provide direction or correction. Men always fail when we prioritize a woman’s happiness. Fair rules, impartially applied, predict likely points of failure and address them before they become a problem. Pretty much the way any one leads any group of people.
Money is a major issue with endless opportunities for mischief. I manage their money to avoid jealously (and because they suck at money management). We don’t have a joint checking account but everyone contributes to the family budget to some degree. I have set up their budgets; X amount into savings, X amount to spend on whatever they want, how much extra money to put down on their debt, I approve any new debt they take on, how much they are allowed to spend on eating out etc. Pretty much the Dave Ramsey plan. Everyone’s budget is the same percentage point wise. Each person is allowed to spend $50 on special occasion gifts and the like. This sounds horrible to many people but they all have less debt and more money saved then before I stepped in. Everything I establish is to improve the security of us as individuals and as a family.
The house rules are the house rules and the chore list is the chore list establishing who helps the majordomo or me do our chores. I considered establishing a pattern that is equitable across the board and keeps certain girls from doing chores they dislike but killed the idea because the potential for appearing I favor one girl at another girl’s expense. I don’t do much in the house outside of taking care of the dogs, dog fur removal and cooking when I care to. I have 5 acres of land and a pond to tend to plus the normal house, vehicle and bike repairs.
That’s it. A complex issue made simple, as all complex issues should be. Complexity allows for more points of failure and allowing things to be complex is Beta. Alphas cut through the bullshit and zero in on what counts. Every man I know who is successful at anything, coaching power-lifters, running the shipping assets of a multinational corporation or building custom bikes focus on making the complex simple.