Some have a mistaken idea I am superman and I can do things other men cannot. Horseshit. My advantage in this world is being dumber then a mule. I have failed to achieve practically every goal I set. Sometimes because of my own inabilities. Sometimes because of events somewhat beyond my control. Mostly a combination of the two. My marriage went to shit because I elected to listen to my ex-wife’s minor complaints and the church men giving me advice. I didn’t fight in the UFC. I stopped three rounds with my chest instead, but I cannot say for certain getting shot was the only reason. Getting shot dropped me from the pinnacle of special operations down to being a grunt. Lower down the food chain then where I started. I ended up loving the job and greatly respecting the average ass in the grass, dick in the dirt grunt but that was a bad time for me. I lost my family, my job and my pro sports dream at one time. I failed to total elite in power lifting and failed at turning pro in strongman. I never learned to surf with any degree of skill. I have never broken 11 seconds in the quarter mile despite my car being able to do so. Most of the girls I have wanted to stick around walked, cheated or turned into bitches.
I made it through the Ranger Indoctrination Program and Sniper School as a first time go. I bombed my very 1st mission in Ranger School and had to repeat two phases because of injuries. I fucked up and was sent home the 1st time I tried out for a SMU. I took the ass chewing, asked what I need to do to improve, followed their advice and made it 6 months later. I barely qualified on pistols and my lack of pistol skillz is still a running joke. I was terrified of water until Combat Divers Course
I have PTSD from 12 years of marriage, not combat. As bad as I thought my marriage was or losing my health, family, career and dreams of fighting in the UFC, losing my brother has been worse. I struggle everyday with that one and always will.
Physically I am a wreck; my lung capacity is 43% of normal. Fat kids are in better shape than me and I am exhausted all the time and always will be because I struggle to breath. I have been blown up 7 times with the corresponding traumatic brain injuries. That’s a fucking bitch to deal with. I have to constantly evaluate my mental state; am I correct or being pig stubborn? Am I remembering this event correctly? Most days I cannot recall the basic background information of my life without serious mental effort. Middle school stuff can stump and frustrated. I have scars from knife wounds. I have been told I’d never lift, run etc again more times than I can count. I have dislocated my hip twice and walk with a cane. Not frequently but I keep one in my car just in case. I cannot hear for shit in social settings and should use a hearing aide but I am too vain. Hearing lose is a real hit to your life. My big toe and pinky toe got crushed and are now twisted to the left, fucking up my stride. My heart burn is severe and keeps me up most nights. I have torn my left bicep three times; my right twice; my right and left pec and tore my quads so bad the doc said I’d use a walker for the rest of my life.
I am short which is a huge disadvantage. I have always known this. My high school foot ball team won the State championship twice. I started as a freshmen, was voted MVP twice. Lead the state two years in tackles and sacks. I didn’t carry the ball much, but I made 1st downs and touchdowns. I did the short yardage game and played defensive end. I also played special teams. Normally my only break was half time. While bigger men with worse stats were talking about college ball, I knew I was too short and scouts told me so. Research says short men are disadvantaged in all aspects of life. For whatever oddness of my bio chemistry, I get sick and weak if my body fat gets much below 14% and carry it all around my gut. My IQ is 106. Pedestrian in every way. I am not mentally lazy. I devoted countless hours to studying. Most on practical matters, though I have my flights of fancy. I wasted time on philosophy before calling it all bullshit and sticking with the Stoics. My morality is a practical matter as well; what makes me, my kin and my tribe strong, free, prosperous etc is morally correct. Whatever weakness us is immoral, what weakens our enemies is a positive. I have seen too much of the world to believe in the softer, womanish version of morality. I am not immoral or amoral; my morality is based on the advancement of my clan and kin. Only fools fail to see the tribal warfare surrounding us
Right after my divorce, alimony, child support and paying her bills left me $300 a week. Not to mention all the emotional bullshit. My relationship with my parents is a constant battle, same with my daughter. After my brother died, I brought my sister in law and my nieces in my house, my sister in law repaid this by turning on me. The list can go on and on, but the point isn’t to catalog my grievances with the world. All these words are to set up this one statement.
If I am in any way “special” or “superior “or better than some other man, it is because I don’t give up. I get off the ground and back to fighting in a fucking hurry. I trained myself to do this. I did nothing but get my ass kicked when 1st learning to box. My old man told me the only thing I can control is me, how hard I fight, how fast I get off the floor. I do that with everything. I would rather be dead then broken and bowed down to another. That is a decision any man can make, a mindset any man can develop, if he has the determination to do so. The notion that somehow most men cannot achieve this relentless level of masculinity is bullshit. It also does a disservice to the men who have achieved XYZ. It’s very much a liberal mindset, linking success to some kind genetic lottery vs hard work and brass balls( and genes. We all do have our natural limits). All liberal mindsets are self-limiting and defeatist in nature, because liberalism is founded on tearing men down vs building them up. Building a better beta has a foot in each camp and will fail like all half measures will. Who dares wins. Not who sort of dares sort of wins
Any man can be determined and determination wins the long game of life. Especially when coupled with a disregard for the laws of men. When I was broke and had to choose between chow or running the a/c I got pissed and sold moonshine and steroids to earn cash. The Almighty God forbids neither. Most laws are written to keep beaten men down, to eliminate competition for the elites and keep them on top. I am a sinner and a crappy Christian but I am a man of God. The only laws I give a damn about are His. Laws of men are generally unworthy of respect and for damn certain when they do not match God’s laws or our ancient traditional view of justice, honor and correct masculine action. And I men ancient. Not some 1950’s womanish version of the concept. Following the law simply because it’s the law is slavish.
I am mentally and physically tougher then the most of men but I wasn’t born this way. I trained myself to be these things. I started off as 9 pounds of squalling baby flesh as everyone else. The difference between me and some other dude is I started training myself at an early age. You will never be more than a beta, useful tool of women and the State unless you put your ass on the line, get it kicked and get back up to get beat down again, and again. But don’t be a dumb ass about it. You don’t climb Mt Everest’s on your 1st day of hiking.
If you want to be the man, be the fucking man. It is your decision, but it isn’t easy. You will carry the scars on your body, mind and soul, but I promise you, it’s worth every scar, every moment of pain and suffering because the joys are savage and beyond words to describe. Unrepentant, relentless and unreconstructed masculinity is God’s second greatest gift and held exclusively for men. He set us above women, animals and all else on this earth to take dominion over all things but Himself and this gift is how. We are the men who protect the tribe and push it to the heights of achievement. Not the beta who follows the script. Betas are supporting roles; which is important but they are also playing the supporting role in their own life; letting life happen to them vs them happening to life. Being beta is safe and easy, being a man is dangerous and painful. It means freeing yourself from false constraints. Being this kind of man is neither moral nor immoral. Your actions determine that.
The great minds of Western Civilization are the other side of the same coin. Newton, Edison etc are the mental version of men like me. Relentless and unwavering in their quest to expand knowledge, thereby expanding himself and be default, his tribe. The mindset and frame is the same; the playing field is different. These men are to be respected
This last bit, I have no idea how to work it in, but I have been accused of being nihilistic. Another load of horseshit. There is no part of my life that fits the definition as I understand the term. I own houses, engage in business ventures, mentor young men, tend to my kin, support two political causes, rescue dogs, help my buddy with his horse rescue stuff, support a charity that supports SpecOps veterans and their family. I don’t believe our social ills will self correct and think men should focus their efforts on other things (building their family’s strength) but I do not waste much of my money, time, effort or the natural talents and abilities I was blessed with. Doesn’t seem any part of nihilism to me
But I get this kind of bullshit pretty often. My theory is, masculinity has been so watered down men no longer recognize it and most fear it.