Making men

There are four things that turn boys into men, challenges, risks, hardships and if the boy is lucky masculine mentorship. . While the 1st three are similar on the surface they fundamentally different and developed different aspects of the masculine frame

The cornerstone of masculinity is the ability and willingness to commit violence. Anything that builds up the ability and willingness to commit violence is a net positive in our lives; anything that diminishes the ability and willingness to commit violence is a negative in our lives. Now put away your moral high horse; violence is a tool. It is neither good nor bad in and of itself. What directs and motivates the violence makes the actions moral or not.

Many things in life create challenges, but not all challenges produce a masculine soul. Masculinity is active so only physical challenges create masculinity. Studying hard in school is challenging for many men but in and of itself does little to develop a masculine frame. Where it might possibly help is laying the ground work for developing a discipline mind. Discipline wins brawls. The list of possible physical challenges is endless, but not all of them involve risk or hardship. Many of the farm chores I did as a kid were challenging but when the weather was nice posed no real risk or hardship. I also worked in a grocery store as a kid. Some of the work was challenging but none of it was a hardship or a risk to my safety.

Risk is an interesting topic to me. There are all sorts of risks in the world and a fair number of things people think are risky but are in fact relatively safe. Sky diving seems risky but causes few injuries and deaths. Military airborne ops are much different. In 18 years of mass tac’s static line jumping I’ve pretty much seen it all. Or had it happen to me, including a complete malfunction of my main chute. Shit happens when there is 2500 motherfcukers in the sky at the same time. In 6 years of military free fall operations (HALO and HAO) we had one incident. Sadly it cost a man his life and another man his legs. I have seen one civilian die jumping and she jumped from a radio tower. There are all manner of risks. Physical risks, risky business ventures and social risks of hitting on chicks. What is risky is highly subjective and changes from man to man. I have known men who wouldn’t think twice about taking down a crack house freeze up when it comes to hitting on some chick in a bar. I have never thought twice about getting shot down during an approach because it seems like small tatters compared to being #1 in the stack, but I don’t do high risk investments with my money. How a man handled risk says a lot about his frame, especially when the danger is sudden and unexpected. I reckon its probably hard to handle the sudden and unexpected when you haven’t been exposed to various risks beforehand, but I cannot say that is true form personal experience. The army in its capitulation to pussydom replaced the term search and destroy with movement to contact. A 4 mile hike in Southern Appalachia during the early spring may be challenging but is not a hardship and relatively low on risks. A 30 mile movement to contact, at night with 150 pounds of gear on your back is a challenge, a hardship and comes with real risks. My 1st combat injury was spraining my ankle when a rock gave way and I tumbled down the side of a mountain. My ankle swelled up to the point they had to cut my boot off. Remember that because people don’t seem to count risks like that as… well risky. Plus it was embarrassing to get medvac because of a busted ankle. Our bodies do not want to face injury, mutilation or death. You have to mentally override your body to do so. Our default psychological setting is to defend our sense of self which is why you have to butch up to approach that hottie. You literally have to mentally overrule your default psychological setting. See how taking on risks builds you up?
Hardships are necessary to produce strong masculine men because dealing with risks and overcoming challenges are part of the process of dealing with hardships. All manner of hardships. Physical, mental and psychological. Any man who has sought out a soft life isn’t much of a man, yet not all men will face the same kind of hardships enroute to maximize his potential. Each has their place in developing a strong masculine frame. Poverty can be a great crucible for masculinity. If there are avenues for latter success. Something that is no longer true of the usa. Not that I am praising poverty. I grew up in the 6th poorest county in the usa, I have been hillbilly rich, worked full time and still dirt poor because of child support and alimony and now I am UMC, or better depending on where I am working but young men don’t have the same opportunities as I did. And if you’re a young White man your society, government and culture is against you. Physical hardships are best. I will say essential in building masculinity. Physical hardships imply challenges and risks. Your body does not want to be hot, or cold or rained on or calorie and sleep deficient. Telling your body to shut the fuck up and Ranger on exercises your will power, strengthen your body and mind. Manual labor is the 1st step on that highway, but there isn’t that much of it to go around these days. Part of why I spent so much time in the military was for the hardship. Shared hardship builds strong bonds among men. The best stand in I can think of for most men is serious MMA training. It is tough, requiring two training sessions a day. Like a strength or cardio training then fight training after work and 4 hours on Saturday. Man is the most dangerous game and that’s why fighting produces hard men. I have a lot of respect for throwers or rock climbers but their “opponent” is themselves and inanimate objects. Stepping into a ring to fight another man means you are putting every part of yourself against every part of him. It’s one on one so you cannot hide behind teammates and every eye in the arena is on you. For pride and a paycheck, though mostly just pride when you start off. Masculine pride is the most valuable thing you own. I have watched the show Deadliest Catch a few times. Those guys live this out as well. The job is challenging, they are risking life, limb and economic success in some of the most extreme physical conditions on the planet. There are ways to achieve this potential besides the few ways I know

Only challenges, risks, hardships and masculine mentor-ship produce positive masculine men. Hell the terrible track record of boys raised by single moms proves this. Many come out pretty masculine but in the non positive, out of control sort of way. A woman on their own can never produce a man with a strong positive masculine frame. She doesn’t have the required tools and the kinds of challenges, risks and hardships women create are never the constructive kind. They produce the kind that leave men bitter and gun-shy.

64 thoughts on “Making men

  1. BuenaVista

    For boys, equal to the damage of being raised by a single mother, or perhaps greater, is the damage of being raised by a capitulating, weak father. What’s so negative about that is that your life model — a servant-leader, drafthorse model — becomes organic in the boy. We can identify these boys because they hunger for a proper mentorship. Currently, in my small town, I’m friends with two such boys, both raised by single mothers with disastrous, and repetitive, failures with men.

    (One, age 24, works now for the packing plant in QA/food safety. His mother married five times, three times to the same guy. Some women cycle men the way Wisconsin scores TDs on Nebraska: they happen so fast it’s hard to keep score. I think we will get him launched as he will be in a Ph.D biology program at Berkeley or Iowa State or Chicago or some such place. The big risk with him is that his girlfriend, whom I like very much and dated briefly, is desperate to get married and have babies. I’ve no doubt she just wants him to “be himself”, provided he’s under her lock and key. The other is a Mexican kid, 16, probably here illegally, who lives in a shack with his mother and a vicious stepfather who cuts hog carcasses in a Tyson slaughterhouse. I use him like my Man Friday, working inside and outside the house, and he laughs every time I pay him and say, “Spend this on your truck and not the chicks, they’re not worth it.” He gets straight A’s in math and science, so the plan is to get him into the military — he’s an exceptional wrestler who also runs cross-country — or into Iowa State. But both will have to make the essential decisions for themselves, if they wish to break free from the conditions in which they were raised.)

    To break that mold requires a level of effort, and a level of psychological risk, that makes risk-taking as fundamental as breathing. Risk at this level might become what Freud called a simple death-wish. I don’t think it is, but that is what it looks like to most people. (I think risk-taking by this personality is more a matter of seeking transcendence: a desire to shed the skin of weakness and subservience that the father has bestowed on his unfortunate sons.)

    A better father allows a boy to embrace risk without the lingering doubts — never to go away — that he’s merely entertaining himself while really just marching forward to his inevitable demise. Boys with these fathers don’t understand why the father is so discouraging of their true ambitions and risk-taking. That’s because such behavior is a rebuke to the father, it highlights the father’s weakness and lifelong failure to lead. Few boys enjoy being rejected by their father because they are stronger than their father.

    In any LTR or marriage this secret self-doubt will eventually expose him to his mate, for that foundational vulnerability can be suppressed but never eradicated. Such a man should probably live mostly alone, and reserve his darkness for his solitary hours. It’s not a big deal to reserve our better nature for those whose company we enjoy, in moments of happiness and wit and sexual effectiveness. None of that is possible if once a year we revert to 10 minutes of tearful or angry self-revelation. And everyone benefits if we don’t bother shaming ourselves with blurted disclosures of weakness. Our nature is not plastic; it is as real, and unchangeable, as our height or native intelligence. There are workarounds, but a man has to know this about himself and put in the work to compensate.

  2. Exfernal

    Using a tool often [pause here for clarity] produces a habit of preferring it over other tools. Sometimes over more suitable tools.

      1. BuenaVista

        No clue either, but in the ‘tools’ department, Beretta has a 25% off sale on their website through tomorrow. There’s some good, attractive stuff there (e.g., chi-chi knives) that’s not too rich, if one is thinking of gifts for boys or men.

        Also, Ton, based on your advice to not bother with a .380, my search for a winter-carry piece is now limited to 9mm. Right now I’m trying to find a shop that has a Beretta Nano, and my other choices are the Glock 26 and Kahr PM9.

        I did see one review of a couple of .380s, in which the guy (who carries a Kahr) noted that he runs hardball only for his .380s, for better penetration (as you also noted, an issue with smaller loads).

      2. sfcton Post author

        lol yea bro this stuff is basic. gun nerds like to muddy the waters but it really is a dirt simple topic unitl you want to do something like keep an 8 inch group at a 1000 yards.

        I think the Glock 26 might be to bulky for a fancy man like you in his fancy clothes. You are a tall man iirc so maybe not. my buddy loves his Beretta Nano

        gifts for boys I get folks whisky or fireworks regardless of sex or age.

      3. BuenaVista

        On the 26, it actually fits better than I thought, though obviously not in a jeans pocket. (I don’t wear fancy unless in DC or NYC, where the point is moot anyhow.) I was surprised too. But anyway, I’m wearing so much clothing this time of year I could often carry my G19 OWB and no one would notice.

      4. Exfernal

        I wouldn’t call his father a ‘pony’. There is more to life than violence and the ability to wield it. It’s like a parachute for a pilot – best used only when necessary.

      5. sfcton Post author

        violence is the base level without a basic skill set in this a man is at the full mercy of others and the state

        wisdom is required to know when or when not but that is secondary to the ablity and willingness

  3. redpillgirlnotes

    Very good post. The part about education reminded me of something I heard about the ancient Greeks. They felt a man needed to develop himself physically first to develop his mental ability. They saw the two as connected, physical fitness was a mandatory part of a man’s total development. And that physical fitness meant both in sports as well as in fighting/warfare. They also put a lot of emphasis on a man being able to “do” things, like handle horses, build things, etc. I wonder what they would think of all the chubby little boys playing video games today?

    1. sfcton Post author

      thanks darling

      lol for the Greeks sports was a substitution for war; the Romans thought sports was bad for war…

      one of my early posts I talk about I am more concerned about what my dead fore fathers would think of men then living men…. reckon they wouldn’t think very highly of most men today

      1. sfcton Post author

        lol do you really have to wonder? My grandmother wouldn’t think most women worthy of cleaning a mans bathroom

        like I said she was a major success in dog training back in the bad old days when evil men hated women and only let them be wives and mothers. She lost her 1st husband in a farming accident; sent my grandfather to war 3 times, watched all three sons go to Vietnam and watched me do what I did and never once bitched

        she would be disgusted

      1. sfcton Post author

        awww he has jokes, do you have a valid point in where I am wrong in what makes a man, how how girls respond to me? other then docuhe bag and asshole.

      2. Wilson

        Yeah you sound like a fucking moron. Women are people, yes they are people with vaginas and vaginas are awesome but they’re still people. There’s no code or system on relating to them, grow the fuck up.

      3. redpillgirlnotes

        Wilson, I am interested in what others have to say. I think what scfton has to say about what makes a boy become a man is interesting. In my own life I have noticed many guys, especially those raised by single moms, are really conflicted around these things, how to be “a man” so I would say scfton is onto something….

      4. Wilson

        Listen son I dont give a shit if you block me, youre an insecure boy who will grow out of this phase and feel dumb about being in it.

      5. theshadowedknight

        Seriously, if your arguments have so much merit, why not show that? Nevermind dick measuring and chest beating. Make your points, and prepare to defend them

        The Shadowed Knight

  4. theshadowedknight

    Ton, on the subject of making men, do you still want me to write that post on being made beta? I have a couple of days and I can knock that out for you.

    The Shadowed Knight

  5. TestostaRON

    Just wanted to say… Fuck you Wilson, go take your bitchy mangina ass elsewhere! Great Post Ton, I love your stuff.

    1. sfcton Post author

      LOL thanks and awesome name. I am still waiting on a coherent reason on where I have gone wrong in what makes women tick or how you build boys into men

  6. infowarrior1


    I have been wanting to get your opinion on the peculiarity of many masculine men. Those men I am describing are brave in battle and aren’t afraid of anything as far as I know they are masculine and good at violence(no doubt you recalled those blue-collar workers that seem all badboy and all). Yet when it comes to women they fold and submit. Why is that?

    1. sfcton Post author

      damn man I wish I had a good answer. I wonder about that all the time, esp in my line of work. I have seen men laugh and joke during a firefight then freeze up approaching a girl.

      In part I think is a mental block not willing to take that aggression ( for lack of a better word) and fearlessness into the SMP…. the whole putting them on a pedestal thing…. Not much of an answer but a great question

      1. infowarrior1

        Looks like it may a mental block that is only alleviated by the red pill.

        Anyway I remember a comment a way back about how mothers spank their male babies quite hard and how this trauma creates in males the tendency to placate women at all costs.

        Can you call such men masculine knowing this about them?

      2. sfcton Post author

        I think so Info. I think to say otherwise is a disservice. I would not say they have a fully developed masculinity because handling your bitch is a key part of being a man but I would not say they are devoid of masculinity either.

        interesting on the spanking deal as babies. My mother abused the you know what out of me and my little brother while not doing so to my sister but I was unaware that their might be research point toward that being a trend. I know kids are way to important to entrust to unsupervised women

      3. infowarrior1

        And back then they had a functional patriarchy as well that supported and produced such men. They did not have the conditioning we have now.

      4. sfcton Post author

        agreed which is I laugh at so many moderns saying they have a Biblical marriage… cannot have that without all the stuff functional patriarchy implies

        love that term by the way. going to steal it

      5. BuenaVista

        A lot of guys are trained to revile the very impulse to walk up to a woman and express interest. We’re trained that the sexual impulse is something to be suppressed and distrusted, that men uniquely are corrupted by their sexual impulses, and that men (through their sexual impulses) create hostile and dangerous situations for women.

        I don’t know any men who look at an attractive woman and say to themselves “now there’s a fine person I would just like to know casually, distantly and platonically.” (Unless they’re gay or already destroyed by feminist cant, like that Wilson guy here.) Most of us see an attractive woman and think: “Hawt. Must have.”

        Well, if your entire life you’ve been told not to walk up to a woman with sexual thoughts in your head, the only way to deal with the internal dissonance is to suppress those thoughts and restrict your own behavior. Being nuked a few times publicly, which is common fare with many women, feeds the shyness. Last, we have fooled ourselves somewhat with the iconic, Western loner guy, the man who sits quietly at the bar with his newspaper displaying no interest. That becomes a habit too, and over time the simple social skills involved in showing interest in a woman (if they ever existed) evaporate.

        I think it’s quite normal for men to be alpha in a work or athletic environment, and self-suppressing socially. (And in most of the successful marriages involving an alpha male that I know of, the guy is usually totally beta at home, and living on the “happy wife happy life” emotional installment plan.) Not “normal” as a way of saying it’s good, just “normal” as a result of being instructed since age 3 that their dicks are threats to humanity. All the efforts now to criminalize masculinity, on the campus and in society, all in the service of protecting the delicate flowers from evil male social interests, highlight the ubiquity of this social shaming.

        Ironically, of course, the women are often dying for traditional, masculine sexual interests. And they roll over like little puppies when a man shows up who still acts like one.

      6. BuenaVista

        You mentioned elsewhere the dog training book by the monks in NY state, and they discussed the ‘alpha roll’ exercise. (For others, this is a maneuver in which the trainer rolls the puppy onto its back, which is canine code for “you are the leader of the pack.”) That’s rather a compelling image, and it’s been a long time since I met a SIW who didn’t enjoy a good alpha roll (in the hay, in the car, in the kitchen, in the plane …). I haven’t tested the concept in her parents’ bedroom yet, however.

      7. sfcton Post author

        LOL really BV it is that simple most of the time once your frame is set and they are sexually interested in you. These things go past their…. “rational” brain and right to the tingle factory

        When I kiss a girl I always have a hand full of hair, or my hand around her neck or pin her arm behind her etc…. always works

      8. theasdgamer

        Ton, you nailed the prob with these killer men who are afraid of pussy. They pedestalize pussy. That’s the heart of the Red Pill–people pedestalize pussy. They reason that men don’t think like women, so men are broken and are defective women. If there’s a problem in a relationship, since men are broken and women aren’t, then the fault is with the man.

        I saw this today during Thanksgiving Dinner. Been having jet lag and grouchy from lack of sleep. Tired of pussy being inconsiderate and not letting me sleep–being loud where I sleep. Family being obnoxious at 1 a.m. when I’m trying to sleep. Yeah they were up cooking til then, but I’m short on sleep from jet lag. They were inconsiderate and didn’t like getting called on it. Figured they got a pussy pass.

        So, the turkey was in the oven today and the red button hadn’t popped up. It finally did. I saw it. I was feeling honery, so I said, “The red thing is erect.” Daughter got offended and went off on me. Shaming and 5h1t. I put her in her place. Wife joins daughter’s side. I call her on it and how daughter started the whole thing. Wife calms down at the time. Daughter admits that she needs to honor her father and mother. More on this later.

        Later on, I instigate with wife and she refuses cuz daughter hasn’t left yet. 11 p.m. and daughter has been outside talking on the phone in her car for an hour. She said she’d be back inside later. Wife said that I needed to be a gracious host towards daughter. I told her that daughter needs to be a gracious guest. Wife gives daughter a pussy pass.

        Then later wife tells me that I need to work on relationships. That’s it for me. Fakking pussy pedestalization–I won’t tolerate it any more. Gonna get a motel room near where I dance tomorrow and stay there and maybe bring some pussy over there.

        “Honor your father and mother.” Blue Pill reading of this is “Honor your mother and dump on the defective male who is your father.”

      9. sfcton Post author

        the need to “game” my daughter was a real lesson/ red pill confirmation moment to me

        One of my boys picked up a live grenade and tossed back over the wall where it came from but sucks approaching women. Clearly he doesn’t fear physical harm so I think its more about conditioning and then fear of rejection

        I think

  7. Emma the Emo

    Great post. A bit off topic, but you said something on another blog that I liked:
    “Showing no fear and no personal self doubt is the masculine minim. When that voice of self doubt creeps up it’s your job to mentally punch that bitch in the face. At a certain point in life, a man who still struggles with self doubts has gone terribly wrong and lived way too soft a life. That kind of thing should be burned out of you before you are 30 and shutting that voice down should be automatic”.
    Just wanted to say that it’s a great quote. Would you say risks, challenges and hardships are the things that foster that kind of frame of mind?

    1. sfcton Post author

      absolutely Emma. And Thank you. I know of no other way for a man to build up his frame than challenges, risks and hardships. Was Wayt Earp a bad ass because he played the piano or because he took the jobs other hard ass men wouldn’t? Where I part ways with the PUA community is they have a fake till you make it mind set and I preach go out there and do the hard work to rebuild yourself in the image you want.

      Folks Emma has a pretty cool blog and y’all should check her out

      1. sfcton Post author

        welcome darling…. and I don’t give my stamp of approval to very many women folk so the fellas should understand its ligit

  8. Pingback: Butt sore betas trying to White Knight becomes a Troll | sfcton's Blog

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