I think this is an important read. TSK is in many ways typical of the good and earnest young men trying to make sense of the ball o shit they have been handed. I am hoping he will make regular appearances here.
I am The Shadowed Knight. I am in my mid twenties, and I found the manosphere about two years ago. I am a veteran, soon to be a student, and from there, my options are open. I am telling my story because ton thinks it is worth telling, as an example for those like me to follow, and for the rest to understand how men like me are made.
I was raised in New England my whole life, living in the rural areas of Maine and New Hampshire. I was home schooled for most of my education, spending a total of five years in the public school system. When I was nineteen, I joined the Marine Corps, and I recently separated.
My father is very libertarian minded, but he is a weak man, and does not like open conflict. He prefers to snipe and make life miserable for anyone who bothers him. My mother is a typical feminist, aggressive and controlling. They raised me to be weak and passive, crushing my masculine instincts in the process.
I was taught that being nice was more important than being right. I was taught that fighting was alright, but winning was wrong. I was not taught how to act in social situations, and my parents provided no sort of example from which I could learn. In short, I was trained to be a woman, not a man.
I could not explain each and every event that made me what I was. A childhood dedicated to correcting the accident of my sex cannot be unpacked in a single article. To simplify, I was raised just like so many other young men; I am the kind of man that populates so much of the manosphere. Which is where the most important part of my story begins.
To call my attempts at attracting women a failure would be an exaggeration, because the word implies some sort of action was taken. My attempts were as awkward and ineffective as that sounds, which confused me to no end. I was doing as I had been told, and I was not seeing any success, or even any results, for that matter.
Being on a path of self improvement as I was, I decided to research why I was not getting what I wanted. That quickly led me into the manosphere, and that was two years ago. At the point that I found it, I was weak, awkward, quiet, and afraid.
I saw what I had to do, and I did it. I started lifting more rigorously. I read years worth of manosphere blogs, and I started putting them into practice. I did things that made me nervous just to make sure that I could rule my fear. I asserted myself and my intentions instead of letting others push me around.
The transition is painful. You will have to face yourself, in your darkest places, and decide what you will become. All the parts of which you are ashamed, that you neglected, that you hid away, those need to be revealed. What you see is not something that you will like, or else you would not need to do it.
I count the cost, and say that it was worth it. I have respect now. If I am occasionally hated, I at least have their fear. I get what I want, even if I have to fight for it. I look in the mirror and see a strong body. I still have fear, but I am in control now, not the fear.
The way is hard, but if you are not willing to take risks, then you will never have the rewards.