The Shadow Knight in his own words

I think this is an important read. TSK is in many ways typical of the good and earnest young men trying to make sense of the ball o shit they have been handed. I am hoping he will make regular appearances here. 

 

I am The Shadowed Knight. I am in my mid twenties, and I found the manosphere about two years ago. I am a veteran, soon to be a student, and from there, my options are open. I am telling my story because ton thinks it is worth telling, as an example for those like me to follow, and for the rest to understand how men like me are made.

I was raised in New England my whole life, living in the rural areas of Maine and New Hampshire. I was home schooled for most of my education, spending a total of five years in the public school system. When I was nineteen, I joined the Marine Corps, and I recently separated.

My father is very libertarian minded, but he is a weak man, and does not like open conflict. He prefers to snipe and make life miserable for anyone who bothers him. My mother is a typical feminist, aggressive and controlling. They raised me to be weak and passive, crushing my masculine instincts in the process.

I was taught that being nice was more important than being right. I was taught that fighting was alright, but winning was wrong. I was not taught how to act in social situations, and my parents provided no sort of example from which I could learn. In short, I was trained to be a woman, not a man.

I could not explain each and every event that made me what I was. A childhood dedicated to correcting the accident of my sex cannot be unpacked in a single article. To simplify, I was raised just like so many other young men; I am the kind of man that populates so much of the manosphere. Which is where the most important part of my story begins.

To call my attempts at attracting women a failure would be an exaggeration, because the word implies some sort of action was taken. My attempts were as awkward and ineffective as that sounds, which confused me to no end. I was doing as I had been told, and I was not seeing any success, or even any results, for that matter.

Being on a path of self improvement as I was, I decided to research why I was not getting what I wanted. That quickly led me into the manosphere, and that was two years ago. At the point that I found it, I was weak, awkward, quiet, and afraid.

I saw what I had to do, and I did it. I started lifting more rigorously. I read years worth of manosphere blogs, and I started putting them into practice. I did things that made me nervous just to make sure that I could rule my fear. I asserted myself and my intentions instead of letting others push me around.

The transition is painful. You will have to face yourself, in your darkest places, and decide what you will become. All the parts of which you are ashamed, that you neglected, that you hid away, those need to be revealed. What you see is not something that you will like, or else you would not need to do it.

I count the cost, and say that it was worth it. I have respect now. If I am occasionally hated, I at least have their fear. I get what I want, even if I have to fight for it. I look in the mirror and see a strong body. I still have fear, but I am in control now, not the fear.

The way is hard, but if you are not willing to take risks, then you will never have the rewards.

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10 thoughts on “The Shadow Knight in his own words

  1. Cill

    Good for you, mate. To get it right, think the opposite of what you were taught. The way they taught you (fight but don’t win) is suicide. I wasn’t brought up with that crap, thank the lord. When you fight for yourself, fight to win and leave no holds barred. Be ruthless.

    I respect your gumption in educating yourself to be a man. You’ve already got the main ingredient, which is what’s in your head. Keep it up matie!

    Reply
    1. sfcton Post author

      That opposite thing, that’s how I think on most issues. Right now its mostly fiscal matters on my mind, but I am in good fiscal shape because I don’t listen to bankers, people with finance degrees etc

      Reply
      1. BuenaVista

        Good on you, Ton. I still have the voices in my head to shut down. So weird because I never did a good job of listening to other people in every other regime. And I’m old enough that they’ll always be there, lurking in my amygdala like my teenage discovery of the insane pleasures of doing 100 helmet-less, on an iron horse.

        I think TSK’s Tale is also notable for something we discussed elsewhere on your blog. When you love your dad, and he has demonstrated a lifelong commitment to being a beta provider and utility to an undeserving woman, it’s non-trivial to break out and establish one’s own integrity. It’s a big priority of mine to present a more productive life model to my sons, and daughter. But whoa, the transition generates some broken dishes. I think you know something about this, with your daughter.

      2. sfcton Post author

        Oddly enough my children do not recall the me listening to Christian advice and turning beta,

        For a while my daughter saw my alpha behavior as the issue until she hit 16 or so ans her mother turned on her.

  2. zodak

    i’m glad this man found the red pill while he was still young. i try to get young men to unplug so they don’t end up like me. frankly i’m amazed that so many young men don’t take advantage of the manosphere blogs. these things didn’t exist when i was young.

    Reply
  3. theshadowedknight

    Cill, I have a predator mindset to a fight. I always did fight to win if I ever got in one, but I avoided a lot of fights where I should have stood up for myself. Now I can get it done without a fight because I let them know that I have what it takes to get into one.

    BV, my father ended up leaving my mother because she was always nagging at him. He would not stand up for himself, so she walked all over him. In the end, he had enough, and left. He stayed that long for my siblings and me, not for her.

    My problem with him is that I am trying to be better, and I think he resents it, or he is scared that I will disappear. He is lonely, and he tries to discourage me from what I need to do. He is an old man, and he does not want to be alone.

    Zodak, I could have written your post, except for the age and the women. I will have no wife, no children, and no family. I have seen far to many of my friends and family torn apart by women to let one that close to my life.

    Fuzzy, it has been a while. How are you?

    The Shadowed Knight

    Reply
  4. FuzzieWuzzie

    The Shadowed Knight,
    Like you, more accepting. I think I was more hopeful then.
    good to know that you are still here.

    Reply
  5. Mavellian

    Reblogged this on Notes Of Man and commented:
    Pay attention men..here is an honest testimony and something we can all learn as we continue to rise to be strong men both in body and mind. For a life not examined is not worth living and that man most often is lost. Reflection and contemplation are vital ingredients to breaking free from the effeminization of our world. What side of the fence will you stand men. Well said, shadow knight.

    Reply

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