on being “nonjudgmental”….tactical value of keeping your opinions to yourself

Being “nonjudgmental and keeping your opinion to yourself is an SMP tactical value all to itself. I think part of the appeal of the Bad Boy frame is women don’t feel judged(because of his lawlessness) and are therfore more honest about their questionable past.  If you are only looking for short term fun, then it doesn’t really matter but if you are looking for a long term deal, you want her to feel comfortable with you so she’ll blurt out her fuck ups…. I mean daring side.


Notices brothers in the SMP arms race, I didn’t say don’t judge them; I am telling you to adopt an air of being nonchalant about what she confesses to while you make your decision. Its part and parcel of purposefully and deliberate living.  Making rash, snap decisions doesn’t get you very far in life so slow down and think about what you are doing ( though there are times when you need to make a quick decision and act immediately) At some point she will drop hints about her pass; when she does this she is laying out bait to see if you bite. Bite hard and she’ll clam up and hide her bullshit better then you’ll ever imagine. Once she see’s you’re not a “judgmental asshole” she’ll open up and you’ll have better intell to make your decision on where she fits into your life. You can speed things along if you allude to your own “shady” past. Which for me is pretty easy because my present is shady enough.


Now some of you are saying that’s manipulative and my response is… so fucking what? The SMP/MMP is poisoned and you have to do right by yourself 1st and foremost. Remember this is combat dating and their are no rules but “win”. Sure some guys will want to jump on their moral high horse, but me, I want to win and I want to win at the lowest possible cost in time, effort and resources expended


For the record, I am one judgmental sonofabitch so I want the intell. Now I could snoop around, do a Google search etc but why bother when if you play it right, she’ll dump it all into your lap over a short period of time and its pretty easy to play it right. Women are dying to confess their bullshit to men who won’t judge them.


Though always ramped up internally, my demeanor has always been somewhat low key( that Southern country boy thing about going 100 miles per hour or not moving at all in play) plus training has lead me to hesitate just long enough to develop a better picture of the tactical situation (whenever possible; the trick is knowing when a few seconds delay will doom your ass or save you which requires experience). This outwardly nonjudgmental tactic is something I fell into naturally, saving myself all manners of future misery when I reentered the dating pool. Example #1 was this fitness competitor I dated in Hawaii. We went out a few times and before the magic date #3,she confessed via text messages, that she “revenged” cheated on her ex-husband only to find out he didn’t fuck around on her. I was not as red pill then as now, and was searching for another long term deal, so I quickly waved her off, but no doubt she felt safe owning up to it  because of my demeanor.


Side note, I suggest men delay anything long term/ committed etc until they have a N count of 30, give or take a few. At the 30 mark you should have seen enough bullshit from women to know what you are doing and know how to properly manage one long term. If the idea of managing a woman is barbaric/ primitive etc to you, then you are not ready to play in the SMP. You’ll get crushed unless you get extremely lucky. I dislike giving this kind of advice but its what I have seen work in the real world. A man who is reentering the SMP after marriage shouldn’t consider a long term deal until he has banged at least one girl per year married, ideally not until he can routinely set up 5 1st dates and convert at least three into a 1st night lay.


Any rate, not to long after that girl who preemptively revenge cheated on her faithful beta (I repeat myself) husband I ran into this stunning blonde girl and I mean stunning. Everywhere we went, men would turn their heads and women would give her the death glare kind of stunning. On top of this, she was my ideal. Sweet, kind, feminine, built for speed, utterly lacking in latent hostility toward men, her father was an Air Force veteran with SOCOM time so she had an idea about what my life was like, she wanted a large family and shared a goodly number of my political ideals. Well not to long after we start having sex ( which was once again by official date #3) she owns up to having done coke like 6 times, then she says she didn’t do blow, but has been around it because of her time working as a model. Its whatevers at this point, not something I am fond of, but not a deal breaker either. I decided to slow the emotional connecting shit down and to observe, to more fully develop the tactical situation and prep the battle field. Then she owns up to having been in a “gentlemens” magazine.  This is a deal breaker, but I liked fucking her and showing her off, I understood the power of pre selection(though I didn’t have a term for it @ that point in my life)  and I wanted to see how far down the rabbit hole things went. Now this is something I would have never thought of either. Not being a porn guy I would have never recognized her and at the time I was still apparently semi blue pill(in that hillbilly way; I was pretty sheltered really because my adult years up to that point where very secluded, tucked away in tier one and tier 3 world, working and training consuming all my time) and would never have thought about doing a back ground check. Well, nude modeling wasn’t the end of it. She did a girl on girl porn video and what made me give her the big fuck you, was her total lack of appreciation for how her actions hurt her father ( who apparently saw her in the magazine while in shopping at a BX). That was as far down the rabbit hole as I cared to go but who knows how far down the hole went?


So I nexted her. At one point I was way into her, and foolishly considering her as wife material, but something about my demeanor allowed her to “freely express herself”. Thankfully so or who knows what kind of misery would have been interjected into my life? and now you also have a partial understanding of why I say a man should have 30(+/-) bangs under his belt before he starts looking for a long term deal. Women are better at covering that kind of shit up then men are at discovering  her past.


Developing an attitude which allows women to feel free to “fully express themselves”  will save a man a lot of hassle. Mostly what it will do is allow you to see what their temper tantrums are like. How they handle anger is important to me, as is how they view their past mistakes. Being outwardly nonjudgmental allows them to confess their bullshit. If a chick owns her shit, then maybe her past doesn’t matter as much, but chicks who own their shit are unicorns

32 thoughts on “on being “nonjudgmental”….tactical value of keeping your opinions to yourself

  1. superslaviswife

    This also works in general social interactions. I have a number of people in my life whom I think very little of and everyone I know I have either some dirt on (sometimes I care, sometimes I don’t) or something that I hate about them (even if overall I like them). Most of which nobody knows but me, some of which only a select few know anything about. Most people therefore see me as trustworthy, professional, polite, kind, etc. You don’t need to tell everyone you hate someone or to try and sabotage some aspect of someone’s life because you dislike them. Just let them tell you everything and act in your own best interests without saying a word.

    Subtle character analysis is a lost art. Lately everyone has to boast about what they know or try and push someone under the bus well before the bus is even due.

    1. SFC Ton Post author

      Preach it sister. It always pays to keep your cards close to your chest

      When I was a younger man, I would play up the dumb hillbilly thing. Worked great especially when folks learned I dropped out of school.

      Hiding my full capabilities was an advantage when I was a younger man but I think that advantage fades as a man matures and comes into his own. Reckon it’s natural as a man gains more power etc and folks give him more respect as he comes into his own he faces less challenges. I am rarely challenged by anyone who knows me, but when I was the challenger when I was young

      If that makes sense, and what you said about yourself plays into that sort of interpersonal relationship/ power stuff

      1. superslaviswife

        I think the advantage lies in that you hide a lot of your weakness when you hide your abilities. People don’t see your intellect, so they don’t see the gaps in your education. People don’t see your strength, so they don’t see that your deadlift translates poorly into everyday activity. Hence why many lose the need as they grow older/mature. There are fewer gaps in your education and your active strength is high, so why not show off your brains and brawn? Hiding your actual levels of ability is a bit like those covers they put over building sites in fancy areas. It’s not until the reveal that the actual building is open to any sort of scrutiny.

        Plus, keeping certain people’s expectations low can be a Godsend when you need to impress them.

  2. BuenaVista

    “… you want her to feel comfortable with you so she’ll blurt out her fuck ups…. I mean daring side.”

    — the funniest line I read on the Interwebz today.

  3. Cautiously Pessimistic

    Interesting topic. I agree that it’s best not to give away your thoughts. Certainly not to strangers. There’s a very distinct line between being dishonest and not revealing your thoughts. I’ve never been good at dishonesty (not that I’m honest at all times, I’m just not very good at being dishonest), but I’m very accomplished at not giving away free intel. As you say, there’s a definite advantage in keeping the other person at their ease, to say nothing of keeping them ignorant of your weaknesses and strengths.

    That said, if I had it to do over again, I’d reevaluate keeping my strengths hidden. Peace through strength and all that.

    1. SFC Ton Post author

      Thanks man

      I understand the fine line thing; withholding intell about yourself is not dishonest but it can be a grey area, lies of omission, etc or flat out dishonest depending on the situation.

      Not sure how to say this correctly but in a very real way, I was and am a professional liar. Deception is a big part of what we do but when you do it the other side it’s a professional decision and when you do it folks on your side it’s a lie. A lot of dudes let that carry over in their personal lives. Not the it is wise to be careful who you disclose what to kind of way.

      Right now, being overt with my strengths pays dividends. @ work my crew wants to be my crew because of the things I do and say. The Girls want to be my girls because of those overt strengths and how they react emotionally, mentally and physically but it all gets muddy the SMP/MMP. Don’t display enough of your abilities and no woman for you; play it to open/ honest etc and it’s beta chump getting used by predatory chicks time. This all plays into the MGTOW deal. Men like linear challenges and dislike things where the rules change at random

    2. SFC Ton Post author

      Ps… part of the muddy waters is chicks dig a man with a sense of mystery and mastery about home. Holding back certain aspects of yourself plays into this

      Ex. Large number of chicks dig what I do for a living. It’s overtly masculine and because of the sensitive nature of it all, somewhat mysterious….. chick crack. In my case what I do for a living is always done far away so I think the air of mystery will always be there. Same for the overly masculine aspect

  4. redpillgirlnotes

    “You can speed things along if you allude to your own “shady” past. Which for me is pretty easy because my present is shady enough.”

    Lol! How did I miss this post? In any case people often tell me way more than they should, too. Handy to be a good listener. Plus I am always reading body language as well. Most liars are not that good at it. Those we are, they are the scary ones!

    1. SFC Ton Post author

      lol…. sadly I am a trained lair and can pass a polygraph while I lie through my teeth. Product of a miss spent youth

      I have not been posting regularly. My life is busy as hell. Since coming home I have I qualified for a new job, became a Dad again; tending to a pregnant chick; tending to a girl getting over tit cancer; painted a room baby colors: bought into an air condition bidness’ paid off my home; sold three bikes, started rebuilding a bike; bought my 1st jap bike and bought all new personal technology.

      I really figured by the time I was 44 I’d be slowing down yet I seem to be speeding up but fuck all if this isn’t the best my life has ever been

      Ps I am drunk as drunk gets

      1. SFC Ton Post author

        LOL yea she is and it’s fun to crush all my friends giving me shut about being on a metric bike…. 113 cubic inches on a stripped down bike is a shit ton of fun

        The bike I am building is more of a luxury ride but I got a good deal on a 103 cubic inch screaming eagle so she’ll do all right

        You into axes as well as knives and swords?

      2. Sumo

        I have a small assortment of ‘hawks. I like the fact that they can chop, smash, and hook/trap an opponent. Full meal deal, baby.

        I’ve also had my eye on one of these for a while – http://www.highlandwoodworking.com/images/view.aspx?productId=6000

        Reminds me of something my granddaddy had when I was just a little Sumo. I spent a lot of time playing with it; I thought I was being a badass, when the truth is that granddaddy was probably thrilled that I was so willing to feed the woodpile.

      3. SFC Ton Post author

        I picked up a Cold Steel Long Axe; that thing is the heat…. now I need to figure out how to use the damn thing in a more effective manner

      4. Sumo

        I own a number of Cold Steel products, but I wasn’t familiar with that one (I’m guessing you mean the “Viking Axe”?), so I looked up the specs.

        I would imagine that exploring some training techniques for a short staff (jo in Japanese martial arts or bang in Chinese martial arts) would be a pretty decent start to more effective use.

      5. SFC Ton Post author

        yea but its actually based off the English long axe; the viking axe being shorter

        I have found the Asian stuff doesn’t translate well to European weaponry. Most;y what I need to do is set some logs in the ground and get to work chopping them down

      6. Sumo

        I’m not suggesting a move-for-move translation, just maybe look at some basic blocks with the shaft and strikes with the non-business end, which would conceivably transition well to a chop with the sharp end.

        But, we have different approaches to that sort of thing; I’m a little bit taller than you, but I don’t have your raw strength, so what I think may work for me might not be your bag.

        In any case, I wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of that bad boy. 😉

      7. SFC Ton Post author

        A good chop requires hitting the target with the correct portion of the axe blade…. I get that right on rare occasion

        The back of the blade works pretty damn well; it was easy to break a 1″ board with it.

        What’s this “blocking” concepts…..? Sounds defensive in nature and I’m aginit

        I’ll try to email you some photos of the decent cuts I made. I’m pert certain a bad hit would be crippling

      8. Sumo

        What’s this “blocking” concepts…..? Sounds defensive in nature and I’m aginit

        LOL. See above re: different viewpoints. 😀

      9. SFC Ton Post author

        Different weapon. I doubt defending your self with one is a good idea. I’m sure armor and the shields of the guys next to you was the defense

        I am starting to think it’s main job was hacking off arms and legs and pull the other guys shield out of the way so your buddy can stab him. It cuts damn deep but tends to get wedge into whatever I strike it with so arms, legs, shields etc makes more sense

        And how hard you have to commit to the swing makes it a purely offensive weapon

        So says the high school drop out

      10. Sumo

        All excellent points; you’ve kind of proved me right on the different approaches bit, though – I tend to think in terms of how to deal with a one on one scenario, as I don’t have your experience or knowledge re: working as part of a combat unit. While teamwork is absolutely a part of LE work, equal if not greater emphasis is placed on being able to function on your own.

        That’s just how my tiny little GED brain works.

        I am starting to think it’s main job was hacking off arms and legs and pull the other guys shield out of the way so your buddy can stab him.

        Even lacking combat unit experience, I can see how having a dude with one of those standing next to you would be desirable. Axemen and swordsmen fighting side by side would be a devastating combination.

      11. SFC Ton Post author

        LOL the axe isn’t a one man wrecking ball sort of tool. I don’t think. Not the long axe at any rate. A hand axe?, Sure but wars are won by x number of men fighting in a cohesive manner. That’s why Europeans have done so well against most of the world. Soldiers vs warriors

        Even the Mongols were soldiers not the ok e warrior types

        Most likely axe and spear, the shield wall was backed pretty tight. I think only short stabbings swords would work in that mess

        The long axe was probably hell on cavalry; horse legs being pretty vulnerable.

      12. SFC Ton Post author

        Also have to wonder if just swinging the axe around isn’t it’s version of defense; even my bad hits seem to be fairly damaging

  5. BigAl

    Ton, I came over from Rollo’s blog. I like your stuff man!

    Couldn’t agree more about that N count. Im 24 yrs. old with an N around 25 and Im really starting to wise up

  6. John

    Some good ideas here. One thing to remember: If the average man will bang 30 women before marriage, then the average women will bang 30 men before marriage. It’s mathematically inevitable. So if you have a long sexual past, don’t disqualify a woman for having a long sexual past.


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