Fear vs Man; best win this one

The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear
HP Lovecraft

 

No shit, there I was at lunch with some friends. 4 of them. My bidness partner/ mentor JHT, and three men I have known since my Ranger Bat days; one of whom I went on to be extra special with (JB), the other left us to become a pilot, eventually flying Little Birds of the attack sort for the US Army’s Special Operations Aviation Regiment(MW)

Yeah, I have a bidness mentor. The legal bindess thing is new-ish to me and I run most ideas past JHT. JHT is one of the best men to walk the planet since Christ. If all men were like him we wouldn’t need cops, armies, lawyers or locks on our doors. He is a Vietnam vet and saw some serious shit; the kind of shit that makes him a living legend to the men coming up the ranks but he is a humble legend and has refused offers to have his exploits listed in the Airborne and Special-Ops Museum, though I am hoping he will change his mind while his grandkids are still young enough to think he’s cool. Any rate, JHT is also a serious backwoods business man. You’d never tell to look at him but he has made millions over the years in a wide range of businesses. Hillbilly rags to riches story. He doesn’t do much these days–enough to keep busy–but he is a man who knows what’s what.

I know JHT from some hobbies we share and he helped me go legit, turning side hustles into legit business… or mostly legit. He also helped my friend JB and now he is helping MW. In the land of the insanely tough and crazy is a requirement, no one is tougher then JB. JB’s civilian life is on a roll and he won some awards from a veteran group for making the transition from retired door kicker to successful bidness man, and then for mentoring other vets in his particular field. Its good to see what he has accomplished in the real world; many of us worried he’d not do well after retirement.

MW has recently retired and has decided to move back to the Bragg area. Like JB and I, he spent some time down range as a contractor to build up a bank roll with the intent to buy a business. He purchased one of JHT’s gigs. Its a good one too. Big time money maker, or will be once MW puts some energy into the place

What one man fears might be another man’s good time, like jumping out of airplanes but all healthy men experience fear; fear is right and natural. None of us 4 have ever been fraidy-cats. The only time I have experienced real, near on shit your pants fear was while earning my way into being extra special. By that time I had sold drugs, ran shine, fought in the ring and bars, did time juvenile time in an adult cage, jumped out of planes, blown some shit up, got blown up and been in more then a few firefights. None of that scared me; by scared I mean the damn near crippling kind of fear. Most of that shit just made my cock hard.  The type of fear I was used to was of the, “Dear God, don’t let me fuck up and get my crew killed,” kind of fear. Scart for what I might do to my crew and my reputation among men

 

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”
— Frank Herbert, Dune

 

The 1st time I experienced real fear was at night and involved water. A dark fucking night, as in no natural illumination, and by water I mean underneath the water of this low visibility lake that you could barely see shit in during the day because of all the silt and by fear I mean I had been leery of water my whole fucking life, never swam in it at night for fun and now I am blind as a fucking bat with no echolocation, X number of feet below the surface of the water, fighting off X number of guys who are trying to drown me. Like, someone would attack me, someone else would fuck with my gear during the attack and I had to fight the one(or more) dude off then find the fault with my gear and repair it before drowning. Fun, right?

That was the last time the water ever scart me. I never worried about dying from bullets or bombs but drowning… holy shit did that used to bother me, but one of the purposes of training is to kill fear.

 

“A man who has been in danger,
When he comes out of it forgets his fears,”

Euripides – Iphigenia in Tauris (414-12 BC)

Any rate, no shit there we are, in the most upscale restaurant in our area(which is saying some shit because our area includes a super zip code and one of the most prestigious golf courses in the USA) enjoying the booze, company and some well aged, bone-in rib eyes, and MW said signing for JHT’s old business was the scariest thing he ever did. Weak in the knees, “Oh, Lord, what did I do,” sort of fear. Now MW wasn’t ever the toughest son of a bitch to earn a scroll but in the land of the tough and crazy he was damn near the craziest one. Then he goes and learns to fly, then learns to fly them little birds into the shit–and I mean right down barrel of whatever might be shooting at him to dump his payload all over the other guys.  MW has balls, big fucking brass ones.

This is the sort of shit MW did for a living

So we got to talking about it. I was the only pussy who’s most scart moment of his life was pre combat diver qualification course. JB and JHT both said it was signing on their 1st business. Me? a little less so then them dudes, but it wasn’t as much fun as a fire fight. All 4 of us have done some shit common sense would tell you is more scary then opening a bidness, yet it was it.

 

“Courage is not the lack of fear but the ability to face it.”
—- Lt. John B. Putnam Jr. (1921-1944)

Why should it be that 4 experienced combat vets were more freaked out about starting a business then getting shot at? Surely age is a part of it. At 20 we were young, dumb and full of cum, literally too stupid and high on testosterone to realize we were doing dangerous shit and that said dangerous shit could in fact shit all over us.

That’s the base line. We were adrenaline junkies before the term was coined, but we were also trained. Training teaches your body and mind how to react to certain stimuli: the better trained you are, the less you worry about what comes your way…. as long as that training matches your shit your facing.

None of us were trained to run a small business. Well I sort of was. I was pretty good at stealing cars, manufacturing and selling controlled substances and bootlegging. Not just when I was a kid, but I got into the boot legging/ manufacturing and selling controlled substances after my divorce. I grew up in the 6th poorest county in America. We weren’t the poorest family by any measure but I saw enough of poverty to hate it and I’d be double dipped in pig shit before I live that poor again.

“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.”

Plato

Without training, knowledge, understanding and wisdom we are basically children

The reason why so many men fear rejection and struggle with women in the SMP is due to a lack of training, knowledge, understanding and wisdom

Fear is a good thing, it keep you alive, being afraid of a 20 foot gator is fucking smart  but if you have to cross that river you have to cross it but you can cross it with intelligent planing. Swimming said river wearing pork chop undershorts is fucking stupid, killing said gator or inviting a boat then crossing doesn’t make you a pussy. It makes you an apex predator. Overcoming your fears makes you a man, builds your frame with none of this fake-it-till-you- make it bullshit. Fear gives you the chance to create solutions, overcoming fear drives life and creates excellence. If we didn’t fear dying of exposure we wouldn’t have built houses.

“The hero and the coward both feel exactly the same fear, only the hero confronts his fear and converts it into fire.”

Cus D’Amato
Overcoming fear allows you to be the hero in your own life. Where responsible parents go wrong is raising up a boy to be a “good” man vs being good at being a man. Behaving because you are afraid doesn’t make you a good man; it makes you a pussy.
Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed:Joshua 1;9
For this mission parents need two books:The Old Testament and The Way of Men. Read The Way of Men 1st. Its shorter and easier to understand; this is the broad strokes. Most of the Old Testament heroes are bad ass. Men of war, action and valor. My main man Shamgar killed 600 dudes with an ox goad. We don’t know much about him; we have his name, who came before him, who came after, and he saved His nation by killing 600 men with a farm tool. That’s all the Almighty God needs us to know about the man.
Teach boys all versions of strength, physical, mental, spiritual and physiological. Build up their Frame. Teach them to be a man among men. Teach them women are never more then 3rd on his to do list and that the bitches who turn him down lost out and did him a favor. Teach him his mission from God is to dominate the world around him. Teach him the most important thing in this life is his standing with Sky Six; his standing among men worthy of the title man is a close second.
Teach him a woman must qualify herself to him and she does it with her femininity, kindness and service to him. Teach him women are to support his mission, his objectives and never a mission on its own. Teach him the Truth about women, what makes them wet, what dries them up. Teach him women (and life) are either at his feet or at his throat.
Teach him the Red Pill, the Truth on all topics. The less pleasant the truth, the more he needs said truth; teach him how to deal with those truths from a position of strength
Notice I don’t say much about teaching boys to be good men. Teach men to honor their families names above all and they will become good men. Little boys in healthy homes and in healthy extended families want to be heroes. They want to be cops, they want to be firemen, they want to be jet pilots, they want to explore space and oceans. They want to defend, severe and increase their people. All you have to do is #1 not crush that sense of aggressive heroism #2 cultivate their masculinity by telling them and teaching them to be good at being men
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38 thoughts on “Fear vs Man; best win this one

  1. Dan

    I took a TAPS class with Pat Mac about 4 years ago, and he mentioned at dinner that going into business for himself was actually kind of scary, and that he’d usually wake up about four or five times a night prior to class worrying about various logistical details. It was eye opening (for me anyway) to see that a guy with his level of knowledge and experience still had anxiety about some fairly ordinary things.

    Reply
    1. SFC Ton Post author

      LOL just my point; not to tare down anyone but to show how common fear is and why we need to overcome it.

      Also kind of wanted to poke holes in the whole no fear thing and make us guys a little more human to the outside world

      Reply
      1. Dan

        For me it was a good lesson because I’d been beating myself up about having various types of social anxiety. I’d basically been telling myself “how can you even have this problem, when you’re a combat vet” (I was a medic in a light infantry unit, not SOF). After the conversation with Mac I let up on myself a little bit, and realized that anxiety is always going to be there whenever I’m pushing out of my comfort zone, and it isn’t a big deal, which I think helped overall.

      2. SFC Ton Post author

        “realized that anxiety is always going to be there whenever I’m pushing out of my comfort zone, and it isn’t a big deal, which I think helped overall.”
        truth

        Dan that is a legit combat job, thank you for your service

        I spent 12 years in SOCOM and 12 years as a line grunt, mostly as Paratrooper in the 82nd. SOCOM is what it is but it isnt want folks thing either.

        Like I said, I use to be scart of the water, kind of silly right?

  2. theasdgamer

    Ton, I have a lifting question. My trainer added 25 lbs. to my dead lift from the last time I lifted. I could do the 5 x 5, but it took a bit of effort to lift with good form. This was on New Year’s Eve. I suspect that he started celebrating early, but I couldn’t tell by observing him; he carries his liquor very well–no stumbling speech or stumbling walk when he’s shit-faced.

    I wasn’t sore the next couple of days, though.

    Don’t you normally increase 5 lbs. at a time?

    Reply
    1. SFC Ton Post author

      Congrats old man! 25 pound increase is damn fine. if you are not sore you are good to go and he understands what you can do better then you.

      in training you should work off percentages of your one rep max/ estimation of your 1 rep max.

      I warm up with 50%; 60%; 70% jump to 85% hit a 90 % 95% and then 3-5 single reps at 97.5%. Or sometimes I will 7-10 or so reps at 95% or 20 or so with 90%.

      at contest time I am looking for a 3-7% increase in one max single rep. which for me is over 5 pounds but only done maybe 3 times a year

      Seems to me has you working in the 80-85% range which is typically the sweet spot for most lifters (I use this range for my assistant lifts not main but its all decent ways to skin the same cat and for your age? Shit bro, rock on!

      Reply
      1. theasdgamer

        Thanks. Another question. Do you stretch out opposing muscles before you lift? Such as, stretch out the back before you bench and stretch out the hamstrings and glutes before you DL?

    1. SFC Ton Post author

      stretching? Not really. I do a lot of foam rolling and a lot of swinging my arms etc around to get blood flow into my joints but no regular stretching. Only when required. I’ve never found it useful and there are some decent arguments against serious stretching for athletes that all boil down to muscles under tension are pre-loaded and ready to work 2) serious stretching requires serious recovery.

      Cardio…. a fair amount but not much of the text book version. Cardio for me is walking my dog (also a great post workout recovery event/ active rest which I prefer to stretching), stuff like kettlebell and strongman events, doing a lift for a certain amount of time like housecleaning to push pressing 135 for 3, 3 minute rounds, splitting wood, pulling sleds or truck….. right now my favorite is tossing a 10 pound medicine ball around. I’ll chest pass it, walk, pick it up chest past it etc for 2-300 yards, turn around then overhead pass it for 2-300 yards, turn around and granny throw it backwards and over my head for 2-300 yards

      I will do the stationary bike when I am bored or beat up

      If you are still dancing and hiking regularly I would say you are doing enough cardio

      Cardio is a tool; I am a strength athlete so the point isn’t to be good at cardio but to do enough cardio to keep me healthy, help with recovery and keep up a decent volume of work for my strength training. To much cardio will kill that.

      Most of life are anaerobic events and cardio cardio doesn’t help out as much as the stuff I listed above. For stretching and weight training… 100 reps with an empty bar of what ever you did to make you sore would most likely be better then stretching

      Reply
    2. BuenaVista

      The best athletes in the world (NFL ballers) exert themselves for … six seconds at a time. I lived with Joanie Benoit (Olympic gold medal, marathon) for a while in my youth and would run with her crowd for the first six miles. So I ran 5 miles a day for 20 years.

      Now, today, this running stuff does nothing compared to delivering force against the ground. I look at my photos from the ‘I’m so aerobic!’ period and wince. I’m interested in strength, explosiveness and balance these days. I can walk all day, if I don’t get too bored.

      These days I’m a farmer after 30 years of offices and airplanes. I find myself breathing heavily trudging about in snow and heavy boots. My son#1 crushes me in the mountains, and he never runs — he just works and walks up mountains and skis down them. I have veins in my arms, and obliques. My doctor is confused.

      Regarding the OP, I’ve never been afraid when circumstances called for it. Anxious about things — anxiety might be worse than fear, it lasts all night — but never afraid when I was in a corner and might die. Jittery, yes. Hyper, yes. Loud, yes. But closest to death, I experienced peace. Not a good reaction, practically speaking: It leads one to long for death.

      But I am afraid, oddly, now, I’m in an unusual situation. I can’t breathe when I am rowing or even bending over to struggle with the boots. Apparently, events have rearranged my lungs and they stop working when compressed. My coach is heavy into supersets of nasty shit that includes hard rowing; he thinks I’m punking out on the rowing machine, and maybe I am. But suffocating is an unpleasant thing. I told him to 86 the rowing. He thinks I’m a pussy, I’m sure.

      Reply
      1. SFC Ton Post author

        You are the man BV! I am pleased to hear about your success in the gym and return to farm life

        Being clam when the ugly hits keeps you alive so its all good. I keep toying around with a war story to show how steady the young men of this generation can be but I have reservations as well. Any rate the calm keeps you breathing

        However when I am seriosuoly injured I go into this hyper violent or so I’ve been told. Folks tell me the crew stopped and watched for a few moments when I took three to the chest and went berserk.

  3. Sumo

    we were also trained. Training teaches your body and mind how to react to certain stimuli: the better trained you are, the less you worry about what comes your way…. as long as that training matches your shit your facing.

    Fuckin’ A. I started learning martial arts long before I got into LE; when I first started in that field I couldn’t believe how many folks were terrified of being involved in a physical confrontation. I simply did not understand why they would choose that career path if they were so queasy about going hands on or possibly taking someone out.

    Reply
  4. Liz

    Wow, this was a great post, Ton.
    So glad I checked out your site! I didn’t know there was a new one up. 🙂
    I asked Mike if we have The Way of Men. He likes those types of books (he’s reading the Warrior Mindset now). I’ll add it to our Amazon queue today. Sounds like a good one for the boys.
    Thanks for the book recommendation!
    🙂

    Reply
    1. SFC Ton Post author

      of course darling and thank you for the kind words. >TSK is my unpaid editor these fays

      The Way of Men is great because of its simplicity

      Reply
      1. theshadowedknight

        You left yourself wide open for that one. It was too good to pass up.

        The Shadowed Knight

  5. ballista74

    Good post. If it can be distilled down, everything we do in life involves some degree of fear, whether we realize it or not. Fear, however, should never be confused with wise prudence, as this existence on any level doesn’t reward foolishness nor (in the end) the allowance of foolishness. Much of the problem with society, marriage, and dealing with women involves the rewarding of foolishness in women, and to a lesser extent men. A boy needs to be taught that while grace exists that foolishness (or sin) should never be rewarded and that he should watch his steps in such regard (something I have plans to develop a bit more at my place soon).
    Ultimately, the agent that overcomes fear in all cases is steady faith in the right things. The religions of this age would discount that faith exists in any regard, but faith is simply the belief in a particular result. Where fear exists, faith does not and vice versa.

    Reply
      1. redpillgirlnotes

        Hey Ton, not to be worrywarts but peeps have noticed your absence so just checking in. Hopefully you are just busy pillaging, plundering, and plotting to take over the world as usual?

      2. Liz

        Whoa, just read about the court and money stuff at Spawny’s. I hadn’t seen this. That sucks!
        😦
        Hope you have your money back and all is resolved.

  6. BuenaVista

    The first time I jumped out of an airplane I was nearly delusional — but I don’t think it was fear, per se. I think it was disorientation and panic at surrendering control of myself to the elements and a couple of products strapped to my torso. Really, it’s more like hyper-awareness, I think.

    I’ve cried twice, though, in the past decades. I suppose that was fear, a regression to childhood, a surrender to the impossible. I would never allow that situation to arise again: Proverbs 31. Just call me Marlowe.

    Reply
  7. Ame

    Wow. So glad I found your site and read this, and all the comments, too. (Read it to my husband and 16yo daughter – okay, left out some when my daughter was listening 🙂 ). So much here … but I think the most important is … thank you for your service for our country, for my kids. And Dan. And anyone else I missed. I am humbly grateful.

    Reply
  8. Pingback: Being A Good Person vs Being Good at Being a Person – BlendingAme

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